Why I Don't Think I'm Worth Much

Depressing title right? From time to time I have this struggle, I tell my self...no I convince myself that I am worthless. This is not the time for you to start telling me to refrain from doing so or tell me how awesome I am. That isn't the point at all. I really do see myself as a confident person. I can stand on a stage and preach to hundreds of people, I can address incredibly serious issues one-on-one with a student in need, I'm not afraid to speak my mind when I feel it needs to be heard, so confidence is not the issue here. The issue is I too often believe the lies.

I think you know what I am talking about. The lies that who God has made you to be isn't enough. The other day I was recently reminded of every student that was hurting in my student ministry, then every student that has left my student ministry that has walked away from their faith, then I am reminded that when it comes right down to it I am not strong enough emotionally, physically, or mentally to handle it all. I ask God, "Why in the world you call me to serve you if you have made me so incapable of handling all that this ministry has in store?"

Then it hits me, like a ton of bricks. God called me to this ministry to bring glory to himself, not me. The whole thought that I need to be all these things, I need to be strong in every area, that is a lie that will wear me out time and time again. The truth is I don't have the strength to care for a student who is losing their dad, I don't have the strength to lead students who find more joy in earthly desires than desires of Christ, I don't have the mind to teach these students and lead these students and mold them into followers of Christ...but God does.

As pastors we can find the energy on our own for a while, and we can even be effective that way. However, eventually the gas runs out of the tank...we crash...and we only have ourselves to blame.

God reminded me that without Him I will never be a leader for these students. Without him I will never have the strength it takes to guide these amazing teenagers through these incredibly trying years.

So to say I am not worth much...I guess that is true to some degree. I am not worth much on my own. Which I guess is the beauty of the gospel. Who we are on our own is pretty worthless, but God looks at that and sees purpose and completion. He looks at this worthlessness and sees something worth giving up his only son for. So God has given me worth, so I cannot look to myself for worth, but to Him who gives me strength and makes me who I am.